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Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"

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(no subject) [Feb. 10th, 2016|09:34 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Fuck high school and mothafuck college
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You think I'm crazy, but that's not fair! [Dec. 9th, 2013|09:53 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're trying to save me, stop holdin' your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy, but that's not fair...
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(no subject) [Dec. 4th, 2013|09:24 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
It's our party we can do what we want to
It's our house we can love who we want to
It's our song we can sing if we want to
It's my mouth I can say what I want to
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See me Be Brave and Roar! [Dec. 3rd, 2013|09:30 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Since I am feeling censored and like I cannot share my personal thoughts:

"Brave" By Sara Bareilles:

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

"Roar" by Katy Perry

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready 'cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...

Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...
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MP Anyone??? [Dec. 3rd, 2013|09:05 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
1454925_584877234917802_532513994_n
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(no subject) [Dec. 3rd, 2013|09:02 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
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Back more permanently... [Dec. 3rd, 2013|08:25 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[Tags|]
[Current Location |My apartment]
[mood |Pissed Off ]
[music |We Can't Stop, Miley Cyrus ]

My dad came over w/ turkey chili for dinner tonight and said that he was concerned because my aunt and uncle called him about that message I showed you about money, and asked who it was about and he knows sometimes mom but i said mainly Eileen, and about one of those picture messages saying "most days I hate me", and I got treated to a whole speech about not being careful and how I shouldn't post things on FB when I having a bad day and how since I wrote about money a hacker could create a fake page as me and ask for money. See for a long time I DIDN'T friend certain family members and this is why..I mean, I am NOT Eileen you saw what I wrote, I wrote that I am doing financially okay, but that I DON'T have any extra money to give people, I DIDN'T ask for anything and I wouldn't do that. Plus, yes, I post somewhat personal things or vague things that may people wonder or prompt for more information, but there is still a lot I DON'T post about. For example certain things to do w/ TS, I only write in the closed TS Groups. Dad was just complaining saying how I need to be careful and if I post certain things HE gets calls. You know, these people KNOW my number, if they are that concerned, call me personally, not that I WOULD want to talk to them about it, and I didn't bother to tell him about Roxanne, I'm sure he'd get on my case about that too also he talked about how I need to be more careful w/ my purse and having my checkbook and stuff in it, because of my mom, I know but it's annoying to hide it, and then remember EVERYTIME I go out to get it and put it in my purse and I like to have some checks on me for emergencies... I am just tired of never getting ANY credit for how well I've done on my own and only being told how I screw up. Oh, well, I've learned my lesson, guess I'm just going to have to go back to posting cute, funny, non-personal things on FB and go back to LJ if I want to vote or make a lot of my FB post "private" for only me if I really feel the need to write it there...sad, maybe I feel like sharing my feelings w/ strangers because they are a hell of a lot more understanding and less judgmental than a lot of so-called friends and family.. I hate my dad's side of the family, to quote Syd, "I'd rather drink bleach" than have to see these people on Sunday. Oh, well, lesson learned when it comes to my family, I don't want to hear what they have to say about me behind and I don't want to hear it said to my face. I just want them dead, honestly. Oh, well, like I said lesson learned, if I don't want the possibility of being subjected to a conversation with any particular person on my FB about something I post, I won't post it, that simple...so I am back here to post anything personal...
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Yeah, right.. [Dec. 13th, 2012|06:10 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
"Loving might be a mistake, but it's worth making" y tha fuck did mutha say sumthin like dat. 2 let me kno damon is tha luve drug addiction 2 her? I hate them 4 being selfish n not caring bout me, rite? Stacy pisses me off, sucking up 2 dat horny husseler n Eileen told her behind my back dat im too paranoid n dat i always make everythin sumethin bout me, ya kno? Eileen can kiss my fat blobby ASS!! she love 2 to do da Wild thing or sumethin or nothin...i get so fuckin pissed i fuckin need 2 rant..i think they all do Wild Things,makes me sick 2 my stomach

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Yep, here to rant... [Oct. 17th, 2012|08:34 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Apparently, as I said, people get too pissy on FB when I mention my feelings about being anti-love/anti-relationships. Most of those people don't know me, what I've went through, and my specific circumstances that have lead to my feelings on relationships/marriage. Sure, there are still some good single men out there, I'm sure, they are just not for me...if they are a good, single man, I can pretty safely assure you they want me or the baggage that comes WITH me...and I get so tired of people becoming so engulfed in relationships that everyone and everything that was in their life before the relationship falls by the waste-side..I know your significant other needs to be that, significant in you life, but they shouldn't be your whole life and fuck your friends that were in your life before you met that person...I don't change, compromise, or make sacrifices for ANYONE anymore. Too many times I've gotten burned. I'm tired of people depending on me, crying on my shoulder, and demanding things from me, and acting like I am horrible/wrong if I don't do/give them what they want. I get enough of it w/ parents and certain so-called friends, I don't need it from a relationship...Just thinking about my sisters and my upcoming birthdays, I got this overwhelming sense of depression, I mean I am so stressed and haven't been able to go on a vacation in 2 years mainly because of my family drama, and I cannot possibly enjoy myself when I do..it's just one thing after another and it never gets better there is NO light at the end of the tunnel..
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Free Your Mind.. [Jul. 8th, 2012|06:13 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
"Free Your Mind" by EnVogue
Songwriters: MC ELROY, THOMAS DERRICK/FOSTER, DENZIL
Intersex, gender, wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.

I wear tight clothing, high heeled shoes
So don't call me a transvestite, no no
I have a deep voice, wear hip hop clothes
That doesn't mean that I've got a dick no no
Oh my forgive me if to you I'm not a straight female...
It doesn't mean I'm another gender in MY head
I might not date another gender,
It doesn't mean I don't like my strong hot brothers.

Why oh why must it be this way
Before you can read me you got to learn how to see me, I said
Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don't be so shallow.
Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don't be so shallow

So I'm not a sistah
Because of the X I lack...
That really doesn't mean that all my parts are bad, oooh
So why dispute me and waste my time
Because you really feel you know my body more than me...
I can't look without being watched, and oh
You marked my sex before I made up my mind, OW!
Oh now attitude, why even bother
I can't change your mind,can't change my chromosome number...

Why oh why must it be this way?
Before you can read me you got to learn how to see me, I said
Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don't be so shallow¦

Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind don't be so shallow


Why oh why must it be this way?
Before you can read me you gotta learn how to see me, I said
Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don't be so shallow¦FREE YOUR MIND!
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Just call this more rants I cannot put in FB... [Jun. 20th, 2012|09:06 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[mood |annoyedannoyed]
[music |PLL in background..]

Someone explain why everyone has to be in a relationship...seriously does everyone HAVE to have someone to screw??? I think the world would be a much better, much less complicated place if people just stayed fucking friends, I guess you could say that literally, lol :) I know you can say there is more to a relationship than JUST screwing, but what??? Is that not the main difference between just being friends and being in a relationship? That you are screwing the person? Or have the intention of screwing them someday?? if you are one of the few waiting until marriage..

Also I am sick of this women's rights crap and the whole vagina thing, if you care SO damn much about your vagina and your reproductive rights, why don't you think more about what you're shoving in it??? That is all the ranting for now...
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"I don't belong to you and you don't belong to me.." [May. 26th, 2012|10:35 am]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[music |Freedom, George Michael]

Thanks to encouragement from Phelstar aka Michael, I am back to vent my feelings, because it's been awhile, and there are just so many things I cannot say on FB..

I am just so tired of most people I know. I feel like I cannot never be good enough, clean enough, eat healthy enough, be skinny enough, work out enough for them to get off my damn back. So I am a fat slob...I don't give a shit about your opinion, I seriously, even though I know it'll never happen, that certain people would take a good look at themselves before opening their damn mouth about me, and realize they have no right. Maybe I AM a fat slob, but you have your own problems to deal with, so do that and realize that all your bitching, whining, moaning, begging, pleading, even crying at me, isn't going to change a damn thing about me. In fact it just annoys me even more resolute in staying the way I am. Realize that I ONLY take the advice of people with dignity, moral values, and CLASS, none of which YOU have..Also, just because I don't want to hear it, don't go thinking that means you talk about me behind my back, either, because I WILL find out. Since you are an idiot, I will again remind you you are in NO position to judge me, so if you have negative thoughts about me, just shut your damn mouth and keep them to yourself...Also, you have a choice, you either understand that I change for no one unless I want to for ME, and up accept me for ME and that I am an adult who will make my own decisions, and couldn't care less what you think, or you can shut the hell up and spend less w/ me, because in case you HAVEN'T noticed, this fat slob is doing just fine w/out you..
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(no subject) [Mar. 22nd, 2012|05:38 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Marriage is a stupid and awful thing, that is all... but y u mad, bout...holder called my bitch sista talkin bout shit behind my back n jus' when u relax dad ask y im seeing that punk cos Stacy told him all the details is like I cant thrust any one more wish Eileen was here cos she'd so loveable n always listening 2 my bitchin and husseling. . .
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Another one bites the dust... [Dec. 29th, 2011|09:14 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Another year and struggle to get through the holiday season has passed...I am depressed, because I really don't feel like sitting home on New Years Eve, especially w/ MY parents, but seems I'll have no choice as no one seems to want to go out and do anything. I just feel I have spent enough of my New Years Eve's at home, or doing something lame, like going over Lynn's, I just want to like go to a party a hotel/club, go to rock n bowl, or go down town and watch the fireworks instead of sitting in my house w/ my parent avoiding each other. Texted and FB'd Lacey and got no response, Annette never comes through, I don't want to go w/ my Mom, Damon, and Rita again, not to mention that will go especially well if dad is home..seriously am I that horrible to spend time w/ that getting people to do one of those mentioned things is like pulling teeth?? Ugh, maybe I'm afraid of the answer to that one..so I'll probably throw on my pj's that night, pop some popcorn and see if I can find something decent to watch, all the while HOPING that maybe next will be better and bring better things, just like I did the year before that and the year before that, and it never seems to happen..
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Back to Vent yet again.. [Dec. 2nd, 2011|10:29 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
I've, as usual, been thinking about my condition and thinking about how I guess I just feel so annoyed that to some, my gender is open to interpretation. I know, maybe if you really think about it ANYONE's gender can open to interpretation, but I still think its clearly less for "normal" XX and XY's. I don't want to hear that while I may THINK of myself as female that technically my body isn't. I don't want to hear that I have a female "phenotype" which means I appear female but technically, I just want to seen as a female, in mind body and spirit...and is it any wonder its messed up my ability to be with men in that way? Of course it makes me scared of what they'll think of my body..I question it myself, I always THOUGHT I was a girl, even "down there", but given the rude comments family have made about that w/ me..does it make others feel like more of a woman to make me feel like less of one?? Sorry, but when you have barely any boobs, and have had a hysterectomy to that def makes you no more of a woman than someone w/ Turners. And for the record, if I have a penis, then I've wasted a hell of a lot of money on pads over the almost past 12 years since I started my medically induced periods..I swear its just the way some people are about TS makes me just want to go doctor Shaw on their asses, teach them to mess w/ anyone with one X chromosome ever again...and I don't like to put people down others w/ my condition, but seriously some of the You Tube videos, can't we get someone w/ TS who can speak w/ some intelligence?? (I don't mean ALL of them of course, some are completely fine, but others well, the learning difficulties are very apparent and there are clear speech impediments. It lends credence to the false misconception that those w/ TS are mentally retarded. I mean some of these people were so bad, I just didn't feel the connection, like it's hard to believe I have the same thing as they do...
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Yes, I am back to venting here.. [Nov. 4th, 2011|09:34 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Just found out someone I know is pregnant, this is only their early 20's, this someone was engaged, is unmarried and was on the outs with her fiance when she discovered she was pregnant, I don't believe she has a job, the daddy to be is a former drug addict..yeah, this is going to go well...I just get so pissed off I cannot help it, and makes me more judgmental of ANY mother. Like if they are getting the job over me they better damn well prove their deserve and do the best they can, not screw it up too much and no whining or bitching about how tough being a mother is..Of course I have to sit back and pretend I'm happy for this person, as they are a family member of a good friend, but again, internally I'm seething...why is the people who seem like they need a child for the purpose of changing or growing up have them over people who would naturally already make good parents??? Power to Marcia and CTS is ALL I have to say...rich people in their 40's THAT's who should be having kids, they seem to make the best parents IMO...most 20 somethings are just too young and too poor and haven't developed a career enough yet...and then they regret giving up part of their still youth to their children, Meanhwhile, parents in their 40s can bring wisdom and appreciation to parenthood, are calmer, more patient, and they've lived their life enough and don't feel like they are sacrificing by now dedicating their time to their children...I don't want be a hateful and jealous person and I've been told thinking I'd be a better mother than someone else is just not the point, but it IS to me...I mean God, an unemployed early 20 something who is in an unstable relationship-REALLY????
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Mr. Know It All.. [Oct. 28th, 2011|09:34 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
"Mr. Know It All"

Mr. Know It All
Well ya think you know it all
But ya don't know a thing at all
Ain't it, ain't it something y'all
When somebody tells you something 'bout you
Think that they know you more than you do
So you take it down another pill to swallow

Mr. Bring Me Down
Well ya, ya like to bring me down, don't you?
But I ain't laying down, baby, I ain't goin' down
Can't nobody tell me how it's gonna be
Nobody's gonna make a fool out of me
Baby, you should know that I lead not follow

[Chorus:]
Oh you think that you know me, know me
That's why I'm leaving you lonely, lonely
'Cause baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me
You ain't got the right to tell me
When and where to go, no right to tell me
Acting like you own me lately
Yeah baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me

Mr. Play Your Games
Only got yourself to blame when you want me back again
But I ain't falling back again
'Cause I'm living my truth without your lies
Let's be clear baby this is goodbye
I ain't coming back tomorrow

[Chorus:]
Oh you think that you know me, know me
That's why I'm leaving you lonely, lonely
'Cause baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me
You ain't got the right to tell me
When and where to go, no right to tell me
Acting like you own me lately
Yeah baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me

[Bridge:]
So what you've got the world at your feet
And you know everything about everything
But you don't
You still think I'm coming back but baby you'll see yeah...

[Chorus:]
Oh you think that you know me, know me
That's why I'm leaving you lonely, lonely
'Cause baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me
You ain't got the right to tell me
When and where to go, no right to tell me
Acting like you own me lately
Yeah baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me

Mr. Know It All
Well ya think you know it all
But ya don't know a thing at all
Yeah baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me
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What the Hell (By Avril Lavigne) Changed to fit my life right now.. [Oct. 15th, 2011|09:54 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
"What The Hell"

You say that I'm living too much in my head..
and that I don't have enough friends...
Life sucks whether it's right or wrong
If I stop I still won't have any fun

No guy is on their knees
Begging, "Please
Stay with me"
and honestly
I just need to be
A little crazy

All my life I've been good,
But now...
I'm thinking, "what the hell?"
All I want is to be alone..
And I don't really care about...

If you love me
If you hate me
You can't change me
Baby, baby
All my life I've been good
But now...
What the hell?

What?
What?
What?
What the hell?

So what if I don't go out on any dates?
You never call or listen to me anyway
I'll never get engaged, so I'd rather sit around all day
Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean men aren't the team I play...

No guy is on their knees
Begging, "Please
Stay with me"
And honestly
I just need to be
A little crazy

All my life I've been good,
But now...
I'm thinking, "What the hell?"
All I want is to be alone..
And I don't really care about...

If you love me
If you hate me
You can't change me
Baby, baby
All my life I've been good
But now...
What the hell?

La, la, la, la, la, la
Whoa, whoa
La, la, la, la, la, la
Whoa, whoa

You say that I'm living my own head
cuz I haven't been in anyone's bed
Yeah, I am living in my own head..
at least I'm not in your bed

All my life I've been good,
But now...
I'm thinking, "What the hell?"
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about
All my life I've been good,
But now...
I'm thinking, "What the hell?"
All I want is to be alone,
And I don't really care about...

(If you love me)

If you love me
If you hate me
You can't save me
Baby, baby
(If you love me)
All my life I've been good
But now...
What the hell?

La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la
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"Keep telling yourself that you was a mom" [Oct. 2nd, 2011|12:32 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[Current Location |hell..]
[mood |bitchybitchy]

I know its been forever but I really need to get back my LJ venting/bitching, even though I'd love to be able to share how terrible things are on FB I can't...things just keep getting worse by the minute when it comes to my parents and I just cannot take it anymore.."It ain't easy growing up in WWIII never knowing what love could be, I've seen I've don't want to destroy me, like it has done my family" I just want peace, but like Dr. Shaw, I just want peace, and I think I'll die before I ever get it w/ this family...all everyone ever thinks about is themselves, no one wants to be there or make me a priority, just my therapist and he is getting paid to listen to me...No matter what I go through my so-called friends don't care and are so caught up in their own lives, and everyone always acts like my problems are no big deal and they have it worse...I am so alone in the world in all this and I just cannot take I've had it, I'm at the end of my rope...why was I given the chance to live when so many w/ TS aren't?? For This?? No thanks, I AM moving out in a few weeks, but that is not going to solve the problem, only create a set of new ones, I can see that now...It always seems like even when I get what I want I am not happy...
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This just describes how I feel right now about my home situation and former friends..;.. [Jul. 24th, 2011|02:15 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
http://videodisc.tv/video/58674571/bfdbdjeja/
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Remember what you're celebrating.. [Jul. 4th, 2011|10:23 am]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[Tags|]

To semi-quote Dazed and Confused, "as you are inundated w/ this 4th of July bru-haha, remember what you're celebrating, and that is that a bunch of aristocratic white males didn't want to pay their taxes"

leaving u wit pix of this lovable fellow i've always felt strong attraction 2 punks wit sexy hair... wat do u say give me feedback in da comment section or somethin' or nuthin' listen up Eileen Wanda tanya n nikki!!







Whats hotter old or Young Version i go for oldie i luv da neat curls



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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2011|09:46 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Yes, I'm still alive...really need to start expressing myself here because I am going through a lot and as usual, God knows I cannot talk about it on FB, too many people I know read it. Funny, I remember before FB exploded everyone was on here, now most have deserted it for FB, but I won't because as I said, too much I want to talk about that I don't want certain people I know to read...things are worse than ever w/ my mom and I honestly don't know what's going to happen. I keep think about her being dead, seeing her body, getting that call...we're meeting w/ a counselor and trying to come up w/ a plan, but I honestly think it may be too late...and she has no cell phone right now and I sure as hell don't want to talk to Damon, I am just so worried all the time, and I know I cannot live like this much longer...this is a nightmare I NEVER could've imagined..feel like my life is one long bad dream lately, I just to wake up and have everything normal again, and there is absolutely nothing good in my life distract me. My job is a slight one, but its fairly boring and I need more than it pays if I am ever going to get out on my own. Friends, relationship, not inkling of most of either of them. I've determined I'm just too weird, too much of a freak. I don't have enough in common w/ anyone to have a real connection. One TS woman's husband said in a TS Society Youtube video, he walked into her house and saw Stars Wars videos and new she was cool and they had things in common..I doubt any guy is going to see my Melrose DVD's and think the same thing, but I am who I am, I'm into 90's primetime Soaps, not Science Fiction...I also know no one who shares my taste in music, not solely anyway...but again, I am who am, gotta take me or leave, unfortunately most choose leave..
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Female version of "Fuck You" [May. 1st, 2011|11:29 am]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Fuck You, but Ceelo Greeb

(Chorus)
I see you driving 'round town
With the guy i love and i'm like,
Fuck you!
Oo, oo, ooo
I guess the amall size on my pocket
Wasn't enough i'm like,
Fuck you!
And fuck him too!
I said, if i was thinner, i'd still be with ya
Ha, now ain't that some shit? (ain't that some shit?)
And although there's pain in my chest
I still wish you the best with a...
Fuck you!
Oo, oo, ooo

Yeah i'm sorry, i don't look like Barbie
But I'd always be there.
I guess she wouldn't eat Jack in the box, I do, and i'm not sorry,
the way you play your game ain't fair.

I picture the fool that falls in love with you
(oh shit sure she's a playboy whore and a gold digger)
Well
(just thought you should know whore)
Ooooooh
I've got some news for you
Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend

(chorus)

Now i know, that i had to purge,
diet, and starve and lie and barely eat.
Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya.
'Cause being in love with you ass ain't easy.

I picture the fool that falls in love with you
(oh shit sure she's nothing but a whore and a gold digger)
Well
(just thought you should know whore)
Ooooooh
I've got some news for you
i really hate yo ass right now
(chorus)

Now baby, baby, baby, why d'you wanna wanna hurt me so bad?

(so bad, so bad, so bad)
I tried to tell my mamma but she told me
"this is one for your dad"
(your dad, your dad, your dad)
Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy? Uh!
Whhhy boy? Oh! I love you oh!
I still love you. Oooh!
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Chained to a phone.... [Apr. 10th, 2011|02:06 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[music |Right Here, Right Now, Jesus Jones]

I know its been awhile so I've updated here, but not really much new going on in my life to report on. My job, I feel like Billy told Alison when she got a promotion at D&D in season 1, she had "been chained to a phone for 6 months.." thats how I feel right about now. On the one hand I feel guilty, like I should just be appreciative in this economy when so many struggling I have a job. On the other, I feel like I have a college degree, I am capable of more and should have a job that entails more responsibility and that certainly pays more. I am sure there are even high school grads doing better for themselves than I am....I answer the phone, I print documents, I count cases, I enter some information into the computer and double check that documents are there for cases, I sort mail, I scan...I just feel I didn't go to college for 4 years to do that...

The family situation, as usual, no change, nothings better there....

Still no car after the talk of it, so I am chained to the phone during the week and a prisoner in my own home on the weekends, so I cannot go see friends even if I did have them, fun...
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Writer's Block: Give me a sign [Mar. 12th, 2011|11:59 am]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[Tags|]

If your astrological sign has changed, do you think your personality more resembles your current or past sign?


Yes, mine has changed, apparently, I am not a scorpio anymore, but I always thought my personality definitely fits more w/ a scorpio than a libra, and I still consider myself a scorpio..
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Writer's Block: Dear LiveJournal [Mar. 5th, 2011|08:17 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[Tags|]

How long have you been on Livejournal? What major life changes has LiveJournal witnessed?


God, I've been on this thing for almost 10 years and its seen me though a lot: my first relationship, my parents divorce, my becoming an aunt, the Melrose drought and resurgence, friends coming and going...friends getting married and having children (some who I NEVER would've thought in a million years would do so before me, but such is life) Some things have happened that I never dreamed would happen. Both good and bad, and I am sure the future will hold both good and surprises as well...so stay tuned LJ!
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(no subject) [Feb. 20th, 2011|08:33 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Had a usually kind of rough weekend w/ my mom, than my dad comes home and we went to dinner. He was talking about how even though my mom was young when she married at 20, (he agreed w/ my reasoning that 20 is too young to to decide on ANYTHING for the rest of your life, average woman lives til about 80, so thats approx making a decision for the next 60 years...he went on to say that just because she was young and in part to get married to leave her home and a bad situation (which I didn't even understand, I mean I was never told much about my grandparents on my other side, just generally lead to believe they were these great, now just like w/ my parents, another picture is starting to emerge, and I truly believe you can tell ALOT about a person by the way their kids turn out, and the mess my mom is, I can imagine they were, too) Sadly, I guess because all the crap I've found out about my parents and grandparents, I am one of the few who COULDN'T care less about my family. First I am Italian, and can pretty safely tie, my family has early 20th century ties to the Maffia and Mob...my family has artistic ability on my dad's side (and yes, it totally skipped me), the washington monument was created by ancestors...the rest were just a bunch of poor, worthless drunks and drug addicts, I am sure...

Now back to dinner w/ dad he said how even though that my mom may not have married for the best reasons for awhile their love was real for awhile and they had some good years and he got two beautiful daughters out of it and how he nor mom regret anything. First I can assure you it's only one beautiful daughter and ME...secondly, I KNOW my mom does regret ever marrying my dad. She's said it in not so many words, and I know she never loved him. She DID say it, and I feel in my heart she meant it, but when dad said that, I decided to keep my mouth shut and not hurt and possibly cause even more problems w/ my parents by telling him how I know my mom feels. I am not going to hurt him by telling him while he thinks he was once in love, the person he thinks he was in love w/ never loved him, and he's never actually had love. Even though he can shitty sometimes, I see no need to hurt an elderly man who may never find a serious relationship in his life agian by telling he never really had love...I see no point in arguing about it..
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Writer's Block: Hit the road, Cupid [Feb. 14th, 2011|07:39 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[Tags|]

If you had the power, would you permanently eliminate Valentine's Day?


HELL yes...
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To everyone w/ TS or ANY intersex condition... [Feb. 13th, 2011|02:46 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Fuckin' Perfect Lyrics

Made a wrong turn
Once or twice
Dug my way out
Blood and fire
Bad decisions
That's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated
Misplaced
Misunderstood
Miss knowing it's all good
It didnt slow me down.

Mistaking
Always second guessing
Underestimating
Look I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please
Dont you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
Fucking perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You're fucking perfect to me

You're so mean
When you talk
About yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head

Make them like you instead
So complicated
Look how we all make it
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game

It's enough
I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons
I've seen you do the same

Oh

Pretty, pretty please
Dont you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
Fucking perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You're fucking perfect to me

The whole worlds scared
So I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking
Is an ice cold beer

So cool in line
And we try, try, try
But we try too hard
And it's a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics
Cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans
They don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves
And we do it all the time
Why do we do that?
Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeeeeaaaahhh
Oooooooh
Oh baby pretty please

Pretty, pretty please
Dont you ever feel
Like you're less than
Fucking perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You're fucking perfect to me

You're perfect, you're perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You're fucking perfect to me
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(no subject) [Feb. 1st, 2011|08:07 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
I often DO feel the way this song describes (a plastic bag, buried deep, caving in, like a waste of space, and like all the doors have been closed to me in life), so I consider it a kind of pick me up when I hear it..

Firework, Katy Perry..

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that tehre's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
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(no subject) [Jan. 29th, 2011|03:34 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[music |Snow, Chili Peppers]

Bored. That is mainly all to say right now. I like having some time to myself when dad plays and mom doesn't feel up to coming over for whatever reason, but I guess I get bored of doing the same things. Visiting the same websites, watching the same shows, doing laundry, doing the same wii workout. I want independence and freedom, but realize when I am alone that something is missing in my life...even wanted to walk to the subway at the gas station the next street over to get a sub for lunch,and to just get some air but realized I only have a few dollars on me, and they don't take cards. I know I am just one of those people who never carries cash on me. Also, there still may be icy spots on the streets, and I am likely to have the luck to fall on my ass trying to get there or back, so just hanging in there to make dinner slightly early. I haven't been as connected to my TS friend Katie as I have been and its nothing personal, I've just been in a mood of not really wanting to talk much to people in general, even though I am lonely at times, so its a real catch 22. I know I one former school friend is having a b-day party this weekend and I could've gone out of my way to invite myself when she posted an FB invitation, but I feel thats impersonal and she may not have really meant she wanted everyone on her FB list to come, including me. I just want for once to be personally invited to something, not the one doing the inviting or forcing an invitation, to feel like a friend wants to spend time with me. Is this too much to ask??
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Why do I always get dragged into things that don't involve me?? [Jan. 27th, 2011|09:53 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Ugh, just a wave of depression hitting me...I just was thinking about everything with my parents and Eileen texts saying she wants to talk and I bet I know about what. My mom and Lynn have told me that Eileen called social services on Kathy, Lynn's step daughter, (the connection is kathy's brother was married to Eileen's sister, if I never made that clear) and said she was unfit mother because she wants Kathy's daughter. They say Eileen cannot have kids like me and thats doing this. If thats true, Eileen has watched more MP than she admitted to me and Dr. Shaw would be proud, haha... Anyway, I don't think Kathy is an unfit mother, but I haven't been around her w/ her daughter Katelin enough to say for sure...I just know I don't want to get involved, and have Eileen telling me, "Don't tell you mom or Lynn I did this.." and my mom and Lynn telling me, "tell me if she says anything about calling social services.." Personally, I don't feel a sense of loyalty to ANY of them, but I am just telling them all I am not going to get involved, and if they want to know anything they will have to communicate with each other (SOUND familiar, just like with my parents) I shouldn't have to be torn between loyalty to a friend if they asks me to keep a secret and a family members who acts like I should be willing to betray a friend for them. Eileen hasn't always been the greatest friend, but not has my mom been the greatest mother, either, so I don't really give a damn...


I know I haven't been posting as much, and I think that needs to change, I REALLY need an outlet for my feelings as I am really frustrated lately. And FB cannot be it because too many I actually freaking know in person who still start shit are on it...
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According to the dictionary, its official, I'm not female... [Jan. 24th, 2011|10:34 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
female: a person bearing two X chromosomes in the cell nuclei and normally having a vagina, a uterus and ovaries, and developing at puberty a relatively rounded body and enlarged breasts, and retaining a beardless face; a girl or woman.

Don't think I'll ever get over the fact that being a woman is something your born into, and I just don't belong...I mean, I am not male, but don't qaulify as female in a few of the ways mentioned above. All I want to do is cry when I think about it...I think its why I've often felt so alone in life. I'm not one of the guys or one of the girls...
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Mom's moving in, Kim's freaking out... [Jan. 17th, 2011|05:59 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
I know its been awhile, but things are basically the same, no worse, but no better. Now its apparently my moms turn to bug the hell out me and she won't be leaving on the weekends. Maybe instead of lying a guilt trip about me not being happier about her coming back, she needs to ask herself why her kids don't want around, and stop thinking dad is the sole answer to question. So I guess I can still forget about any kind of life for awhile, a few weeks in and this year is already going to hell...I don't need their drama, their depending on me, their crying to me, I need SPACE why the hell is that so hard for everyone to understand? Tired of them making feel like I am horrible daughter if I don't put up with their shit...
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"Its All Alot Of Oysters, but no Pearls.." [Dec. 31st, 2010|12:03 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
A Long December lyrics, Counting Crows

A long December and there's reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaven' Now the days go by so fast
And it's one more day up in the canyons And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would
The smell of hospitals in winter And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded roomTo see the way that light attaches to a girl
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...I think you should
Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself T
o hold on to these moments as they pass
And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...I guess I should


"If you look back on your year, and it doesn't bring you tears of either joy or sadness, consider it a year wasted..."-John Cage, quoting his mother, on Ally McBeal...
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2011, [Dec. 23rd, 2010|05:48 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Will you be looking for a new job?
Possibly, we'll see how it goes...

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
No sir, not me, I gaurantee it....not because I am currently in one, but because I have no interest in being in one...

3. New house?
Possibly, and unfortunately, it will likely have one of my parents in it...

4. What will you do different in '11?
Probably nothing much, and sadly, that may be the problem...

5. New Years resolution?
Mainly to really try and be more open and honest about my feelings with people, no matter and how scary and risky that may be...

6. What will you NOT be doing in 11?
Smoking and doing drugs are pretty good bets...

7. Any trips planned?
Dad is likely moving to Salisbury in '11, so I will likely be visiting him there a few times....

8. Wedding plans?
well, yeah, just not my own, LMAO :)

9. Major thing(s) on your calendar?
Nada, nothing major...

10. What can't you wait for?
At this point, just for the holidays to be over..

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
I guess more friends would always be good, maybe looking for new friends and stop being so hung up on the old ones who don't really want to be my friends...and of course, I'd like to see things get better w/ my family and parents, but I highly doubt that will happen in 'll or EVER...

12. What about you will you be changing?
Nothing, again, that's most likely the problem...actually, I think I am going to try and step up and PROVE to my mom I can independent if she does move back,she'll likely say I cannot take care of myself well enough to live alone. I want to prove her wrong by having the dishes always done, my clothes always clean, and my room looking somewhat less like a disaster area...

13. What happened in '10 that you didn't think would ever happen?
In '09 this was easy, MP came back, in '10, I don't know, I guess I never thought we'd have two blizzards like we did back to back...


14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
I can be a bitch sometimes, probably, but honestly, I don't care or regret it, what can I say, I have a little Melrosian in me, lol :)

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 09?
Nah, I would like more clothes though, feel like I wear the same things too frequently

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
I probably should drink more, but likely won't, lol :)

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
That's more up to them not me, honestly, I would never completely desert my family, but I think I need my space from them...

18. Will you do charity work?
I did Stuff a Bus for the Maryland Food Bank this year and would like to do it again next year, I think its a great cause, along w/ maybe some other charitable work...we'll likely be cleaning out the house more, so if you want to count giving away the stuff my parents don't want charity, so be it...

19. Will you go to bars?
Maybe to catch a Ravens game at one...

20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
Depends on how nice they are to me, lol :) Nah, you can ask debtors who call, I'm nice....

21. Do you expect 11 to be a good year for you?
I'm a pessimist, but nah, not really, I always hope for a better year than the last, but it rarely happens...

22. How much did you change from this time last year till now?
For the third time, not at all really...

23. Do you plan on having a child?
I plan on adopting omeday, but NOT in '11, lol :)

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
Thats honestly not a really big list, so I hope the few that are on it still will be at the end of next year...

25. Major lifestyle changes?
Don't plan any...

26. Will you be moving?
Yes, most likely against my will, to live with someone I don't want to live with...or I'll be stuck with someone I don't want to live with...

27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in 11 that happened in 10?
The CW doesn't cancel MP again, okay, not like they could...

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
Two years ago, I spent it w/ my sister and her friends, last year, I spent it w/ my dad and his friends, this year, I'll likely be going to rock and bowl with mom and some of her work ppl, for once it WOULD be nice to have some of my OWN friends to spend it w/ instead of feeling like I am tagging along w/ others all the time like a third wheel...

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
Nope.

30. One wish for 11?
Mainly, I wish strength,and finally for some idependence and feel like a real adult for the first time in 27 years....
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Happy Birthday to Michael aka Phelstar... [Dec. 11th, 2010|09:58 am]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
I'm not much of an Oprah person, but when I saw a clip of her interview w/ Barbara Walters earlier this week on Access Hollywood, something she said about her best friend, Gayle, rang true for me about Michael. "He is … the brother I never had. She is … the brother everybody would want,” said Winfrey. “He is the friend that everybody deserves. I don’t know a better person.” And thats the honest truth, I hope the next quarter century of your life brings you everything you want and all your dreams come true...
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(no subject) [Dec. 7th, 2010|08:14 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Feeling miserable about the holidays as usual, just tired of being forced to be around people in my life I don't particularly like or care for, or flat out want in my life. It makes me more appreciative and grateful for the precious few I DO want in my life....I've been through so much, I just don't even want to be around situations that make me feel self-conscious even though I know some of it is me and some of my fears are irrational, but I don't think I am crazy for thinking my parents should've discussed my condition and my body and inability to have children with ME instead of friends and extended family, and I know family has a way of involving each other in their personal business, but I also don't think I am crazy or wrong for thinking my condition and my relationship are MY business and not theirs and I don't care for their questions or opinions about it. Nor do I want to see their babies, or see my cousins around my age and still feel jealous and wish I had been them growing up instead of me stuck a pre-pubescent freak until 16...apparently my condition was SO obvious my parents felt they had to explain it, even though deep down, I know there are "NORMAL" women my height or shorter and no one can probably tell by looking at me something is wrong with me, but I guess when I was younger and so behind my peers it WAS obvious, so I guess I never let go of that and still feel like its obvious by looking at me, I'm NOT a normal 27 year old woman...maybe my parents thought by "hiding" it, I would somehow grow up with the impression I was somehow normal, but I think I had the complete opposite...I don't know how some w/ TS manage to go through through the preteen and teen years feeling pretty normal and like a normal teenage girl, but more power to them, because I sure as hell couldn't...I guess I've just gotten to feeling like life is just not meant to be a good or happy thing for me or sadly some others I know, EVER. I see all too often, decent, caring, kind people struggle like hell to get the things they deserve in life (a loving, long lasting relationship, children, a successful career) and other people who go around with their life's mission being to make other people feel like shit, have no parenting skills, aren't nearly as good as their job as they think, in fact they fool around too much during the work day, or those are far less attractive than they have the illusion they are, yet somehow good things seem to fall into their lap...I know I'm not the be all end all on who deserves what in life, but sometimes, God, come on give me a bone and agree w/ me on this...
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25 Things I am thankful for... [Nov. 25th, 2010|09:32 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[music |Enjoying the Silence]

W/ my parents being separated, I find myself feeling pretty shitty around the holidays and on Thanksgiving, I find it hard to be thankful for anything in my life, but this I am going to make an effort to try, so since Thanksgiving is on the 25th, I have decided to list 25 things I am thankful for...
1) The few close friends I do have, particularly of the online variety, you have seen me through so much, and have always been there to pick me up when I am feeling down, and the online ones, I feel your presence even though we can never hang out in person, I know you're there for me, and it means the world, it means everything...leave it to those thousands of miles away to show what true friendship really is about...I am everything I am because you loved me and believed me..
2) Reese's Peanut butter cups, and Junk Food in general, even it will probably be the death of me...
3) That Melrose Place was put on the air...
4) I don't have something worse than TS, there are alot of worse conditions out there, and I should be more grateful...
5) Trying to look at the positive side of my infertility, that I'll never have to deal w/ morning sickness or labor...
6) That I have a job in this shitty economy...even though it doesn't pay off enough for my to get my own place, unless I prefer living next to crack addicts...
7) That I have until Monday off from said job...(even though I know I am going to seriously pay for it on Monday..)
8) I am thankful the holidays only come once a year (although they could stand to come less)
9) for good TV Thanksgiving Marathons (Melrose Mayhem week in '04, Ally McBeal on Reelz this year)
10) I am thankful I am not in a bad relationship...
11) I am thankful for good music...
12) I am thankful for flat irons for my hair...
13) I am thankful for Livejournal, even though it has caused me some problems in the past, lol :)
14) I am thankful my horrible driving skills have not killed anyone..
15) I am thankful the Ravens are having a good season..
16) I am thankful for entertainment magazines..
17) I am thankful for entertainment news websites..
18) I am thankful that, hearing loss aside, I have all my senses and the ability to walk..
19) I am thankful I am not in junior high anymore, lol...
20) I am thankful for the ones out there are tirelessly fighting as advocates for TS...
21) I am thankful for the sex community...
22) Even there though are ways to go, I am thankful for the treatments that are available for TS that have allowed me to live a somewhat more normal female life...
23) As a dysfunctional person, I must say, I am thankful for stools, chairs, and grabbers..
24) I am thankful that I grew up in the 90's, and not the 50's, 60's, or 70's...I cannot imagine life w/o computers, cell phones, and the internet. My mom told me when she was growing up, your house didn't even have a personal line, you had to SHARE it with neighbors...
25) To quote Rose from 7th Heave, "I am thankful I'm me.."
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(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2010|08:48 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Well, another year has come and gone...had a fairly busy b-day weekend...went to the movies with my sister Fri night to see The Social Network...it was a good movie...and I was glad I just got to spend time w/ my sister and just hang out instead of delving into our family drama like we did a couple of years ago. Saturday evening we went to the slots at the new Hollywood Casino in Perryville...I lost money, should've seen it as a sign when I was ahead 26 bucks (it being the last day I was 26) but I lost 40. Oh, well, it was fun anyway. Seen a sign there about Thanksgiving. Made me sad think I'd rather be there at the Casino for it then w/ my family. I just hate how unsettled everything always is. I went w/ my dad to a restuarant last year, so I figured this year I'd go w/ my mom, she said it sounded great us going to my uncles, but she hasn't confirmed plans yet and I am afraid my uncle will make other plans by the time she does. And my dad made a comment about how me and my sister are hanging out with this guy he doesn't even know, so he is already giving me slightt attitude about the fact that Damon will be there. I don't completely blame him for being pissed, I'd probably be too, but its just hard to deal with being in my shoes in the situation and not his...and after the shit that happened on Mothers Day I am NOT lying and telling my dad I am going to my uncles and really go to my mom's apartment. He can easily find that out. So as usual while everyone else looks forward to the holidays and family get togethers, I am dreading the next weeks. I am helping out the "Stuff a Bus" Campaign for work, bringing boxes of food to needy Maryland families to the bus just to try and remind myself there will be people having a worse holiday than me...but I digress, back to my b-day. I also had one drink, I feel weird when I drink, like a 14-year old still walking around just trying to look cool, I think a large part of the appeal to drinking for kids is the fact that they are not supposed to be doing it. It's lost some of its appeal now that I've been able to drink whenever I want for 6 years, plus I've seen the negative affects its had on my family, with both parents, and I've seen how what you think of as casual drinking and partying can turn into a problem if you're not careful...the line between casual drinking and being an alcoholic is too thin, not to mention the long term health affects. I once read an article saying heavy drinkers live longer, somehow I SERIOUSLY doubt it. Not to mention the buzz and social confidence you get from drinking obviously doesn't last, thus again leading to the desire to keep doing it to get that feeling again...Sunday I went to Red Robin with my mom, which the food wasn't quite as good as I hope, it was a generally disappointing food weekend. My relationship w/ food is messed up lately. I'm in part of the junk I mostly eat, but I don't like most healthy food and am not that open to trying new things either, plus I am an extremely picky eater, eating is just more a chore. I admit at times I am hard to please. I got two cakes, one dad got was an ice cream football cake (I prefer regular cake, but I DO love football) and my mom got me a regular cake, but it wasn't the buttercream icing I like. Again, I know, picky, picky...I got mostly clothes from my mom, because I needed long sleeve shirts for work. I also got gifts from co-workers for my b-day for the first time ever, which was nice and touching and made me feel valued there...I got some nice jewelry, got a flat iron for my hair from my sister (I don't live without it now, lol :) and some gambling money from dad to use at the casino. I also ordered myself the new MP on DVD and brought myself a replacement for my MIA charger for my Sansa Player...mom was upset we only went to dinner and every one else went somewhere w/ me, so this coming weekend we're going to the Christmas Bazaar at my old school. I hope it doesn't cause the usual Damon Drama since dad will be in town this weekend. I just wish she didn't have to drag him into EVERYTHING we do. Why cannot she spend a birthday or holiday with her daughter or daughters w/out him, just us??? It does kind of piss me off that he and his kids seem to come first to her now...hate to say it, but I've said it before, gotta be drugs and sex...I felt more 87 than 27 this weekend, tired and wanting to turn in early and go to sleep...meh, cannot imagine how much energy I'll have in my 30's, 40's, 50's, etc...Its probably not sleeping well, being anxious so much, and I'll admit, obviously not being in the best shape creating a bad combination...I am trying to be grateful though, I've so far gotten 27 years on this planet, which is more than alot w/ TS ever get. I am angry often that my parents had me and brought me into their messed up marriage, and lives, that there were only thinking of themselves having children, not my or my sisters best interest. But 27 years ago, I happened, and I and all of you are just going to have to deal with me :P
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Who made you king of anything??? [Oct. 30th, 2010|09:40 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Michael had sent me the video to this song, and I definitely LOVE the lyrics, I dedicate this to anyone who may be against my decision to never be in a relationship, anyone who thinks that someone who is infertile is somehow less worthy of or less deserving of a relationship, anyone has anything negative to say about someone who adopts, anyone who stupidly thinks that TS is an illness, and to anyone who thinks they have the right to definitively tell someone with TS they are not a woman. Also to my family, tired of them not really listening and just forcing me to do things I don't want to or just forcing me to make decisions I don't want to make instead of truly and honestly allowing me to do what I want, to all of you, this is for you:


Sara Bareilles King Of Anything lyrics


Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe.
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(no subject) [Oct. 30th, 2010|04:49 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Ally: A brain tumor, in your head??
Billy: No, in my ass, Ally, I have a brain tumor in my ass...

LMAO :D Been sitting here crying at Ally McBeal because I have nothing else to do besides laundry, dishes, and clean my room up. Thing I see about living by myself is that no one else ever does those things, and that kind of sucks, lol :D I just don't feel like doing much aside from sitting in front of the tv and slpeeping. Although, I do find enjoyment in these weekends when both my parents are more than three hours away...rather cry at fake drama then deal with theirs, my mom is acting like her usual weird not herself likely on something self. I'm tired of people seeming to think that I should be completely find w/ the fact that my parents never loved each other and don't get along. I'm sorry that DOES affect a person no matter what age they are when that information comes to light. Plus of course, I don't have friends to spend time with, really, or to confide in, not anyone who actually lives near me anyway and can call up and invite me out to do something, and I cannot drive anywhere with no car...I guess I still just miss alot of my old friends, like I said, and it hurts they don't miss me or even want to reconnect. I guess Facebook got my hopes up this would happen, that even one of my old school friends would say, "hey why don't we get together?" but not one has. Of course I could try setting that up one my end, but I've said it before, I'm tired of being the one to put forth the effort and getting nothing in return..I guess I really work on stopping expecting my old friends to come back and just accept more than enough time has passed and they obviously have no interest in starting a friendship w/ me again. Some of them, if I think about it, the feeling is mutual, I'm just desperate for any kind of connection to humanity these days, I guess...I've always felt so different from everyone else, like I didn't belong, like a freak, but I cannot hide out the rest of my life, much as I'd like, so I have to try with people, I suppose...
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What about your friends??? [Oct. 25th, 2010|07:47 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
I've been thinking alot about past friendships and well, I guess current ones. I keep thinking about I just don't feel some of my friends give me some of the attention I deserve, or I don't give them the attention they deserve. I just hate feeling that some people mean alot more to me than I do to them, and they know that and use it to their advantage, to make me feel like so small, like I am lucky to even be graced their time/attention. I know people who make me feel like that aren't really friends at all. It does hurt having hardly any friends, I'll admit, sometimes I would like to go out a club/movies, do something on the weekends, you know like normal 20-somethings, but I convince myself I am fine enough spending every single weekend I can at home, on the computer, or watching tv. It's just always seemed that friends either lose interest in me or I lose interest in them, or we just don't have enough in common...work is a good example, I overhear some of them talking about zombie movies and sci-fi stuff, which I am really just not into, so it's not a conversation I could add anything to. Speaking of which, I am paranoid about the girl who training me whom I've had issues with will start staying things about me just to get me in trouble because she doesn't like me. What's new, happened at Angelos, too...
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Writer's Block: Family planning [Oct. 23rd, 2010|08:51 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[Tags|]

If you wanted to have children and had trouble conceiving, would you be more likely to consider IVF, surrogacy, or adoption, and why?


I am in this situation due to having TS, and have spent alot of time thinking about the options, even remaining childless,but I've always seen myself having children and couldn't imagine that, so for me, I think the best idea is adoption, even though I know it won't be an easy road. Due to some of my health complications from TS, carrying could be a risk for me and the baby, but if my husband truly wanted a child that was his, or the adoption process didn't work out, I'd be willing to look into surrogacy...
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(no subject) [Oct. 20th, 2010|08:16 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
I don't know how someone could convince me to lose weight, but making comments about everything I put on my plate, and how much I am eating, really isn't the way to do it, so fucking annoying....I don't know it just actually makes me want to go on a diet LESS when my family does that...my sister let me taste her diet to go meal, it was actually really good, but the menu doesn't look like stuff I generally like to eat, and I'm skeptical about the rest of their food, so I don't know, maybe after my birthday, I'll start some damn diet just to get everyone off my back...and now I feel ashamed and freaking hungry because I didn't eat as much as I normally would because of them. Work is work, I'm just so unbelievably tired all the time. I don't sleep right...I wake up at 2, 3, 4 and have trouble falling asleep again and feel like a zombie..5:30 am always comes WAY too soon...
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(no subject) [Oct. 3rd, 2010|07:07 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Aside from the "short people" episode, I've been loving Ally McBeal lately. As a single late something myself now I can relate to the issues that Ally has w/ relationships much better. Like I've been talking about how people get married just for the sake of getting married and not because they are truly in love and have found the right person. An episode I watched today was about exactly that. They had a case where an ex-husband was suing his ex-wife for fraud because he found out from her journal that she only married him because had money, could provide a stable home, be a good father, etc, but she was never attracted to him, she just settled because she was in her early 30's and wanted a family. I love a quote John gave in the episode, "Its better to not have what you want, than to have what you don't want," for those who don't understand my decision to stay single that quote says it perfectly...Like Ally If I ever did get married, I'd hold out for someone who was truly it for me, AND like Billy said about Ally in one episode, I wonder if love would be wasted on me because no matter what, partner or not, I'll never be fully happy and satisfied with my life...Also, in the episode Ally talks about catching her mother in bed with another man when she was really little and dealing with the fact that her mother never loved her father, which is also something I can relate to..
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(no subject) [Oct. 2nd, 2010|11:28 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
I hate life. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to live, either..
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If I had you (if I had a second X and the ability to have kids) [Sep. 25th, 2010|11:22 am]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
If I Had You lyrics, Adam Lambert..
(if I had a second X and the ability to have kids)

So I got my boots on, got the right 'mount of leather
And I'm doing me up with a black color liner
And I'm workin' my strut but I know it don't matter
All we need in this world is some love
There's a thin line 'tween the dark side and the light side baby tonight
It's a struggle gotta rumble trying to find it

But if I had you, that would be the only thing that i'd ever need
Yeah if I had you, then money fame and fortune never could compete
If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy
If I had you
You you you you you
If I had you

From New York to LA getting high rock n' rollin
Get a room trash it up 'til it's ten in the morning
Girls in stripper heels, boys rolling in Maseratis
What they need in this world is some love
There's a thin line tween a wild time and a flat line baby tonight
It's a struggle gotta rumble tryin' to find it

But if I had you, that would be the only thing that I'd ever need
Yeah if I had you, then money fame and fortune never could compete
If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy
If I had you
You you you you you
If I had

The flashing of the lights
It might feel so good but I've got you stuck on my mind, yeah
The fashion and the stage it might get me high
But it don't mean a thing tonight

That would be the only thing that I'd ever need
If I had you, then money fame and fortune never could compete
If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy
If I had you
You you you you you
If I had you

If I had you
That would be the only thing that I'd ever need
Yeah if I had you, then money fame and fortune never could compete (never could compete with you)
If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy (it'd be ecstasy with you)
If I had you
You you you you you
If I had you
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(no subject) [Sep. 19th, 2010|09:47 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
Too add to what I said, Helge for one said I should add real pictures of me on Facebook, yeah, right and give those who consistently told me how ugly I was in elementary school the opportunity to find me and add more fuel to their fire. yeah, right, not in this life time, you've got another thing coming bud!
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(no subject) [Sep. 19th, 2010|09:44 pm]
Kimberly, "The Bombing Babe"
[music |You Belong With ME, Taylor Swift, to all those guys...]

Wish I didn't have to get up in the morning...not only because work is going to worse than ever tomorrow because its Monday and all the court documents from the weekend are going to be coming in. Just look at pictures of my sister from her cruise, and just thinking of how she is so much prettier than me, always has been. No wonder things never worked out with me and any guy I was truly interested in, then wouldn't see me as more than a friend, and sure enough at some point shortly after find a much prettier girlfriend than me. Then I figure if they could date someone like that why would they want me?? I gave up a long time ago. People may think I'm the one being too picky, but for the most part of the guys that have shown interest were sorry, but to quote Sheryl Crow "plain ugly to me", and I would to be at least somewhat attracted to whom I am dating. I mean I realize with my own looks, and my condition, I cannot have too high of standards, but I see at is no use, in addition to all my other issues, to put myself out there if no guy is willing to look past my looks and my condition. Most men can just walk down the street with a beer guy and bald head and still get women, but most men have no idea how much effort most women put into their looks just to get noticed by men. Even when you think she is looking "natural" and with no make-up or did much to her hair, trust me, for most their was effort there....I just think most men could put out some in return. Get some hair on your head and lay off the beers...You don't need to be gorgeous, but if I did look for a guy again, I'd at least ask for those two things. Sigh, I just wish one day one of those guys I liked who wasn't interested will feel like he missed out on something, but I doubt it....
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